That which does not kill you will only make you stronger...

As an add-on to the previous post, I realised something abt my relationship with Ash. Things had gotten to this point because of the wrong views and expectations I had of our relationship.

When we first started out, I was suddenly thrown into the position where I was well taken care of by someone who has a wealth of experience and who portrays such confidence and security that I lapsed into a dependant mode. I allowed myself to give up my independance and autonomy to immerse myself in a relationship where I didn't have to be the strong one. I looked up to her so much because she never failed me and always made me feel happy and comfortable.

When my dad passed away, a part of my life came crashing down. I threw away every bit of independance and became wholely reliant on the 1 person whom I thought could hold me up in those tough times. I put her thru so much because I thought she was unbreakable. I was wrong. In putting everything on her, I never stopped to look at the whole picture. On how much I was stressing her out. On how much I was taking without giving anything in return. I felt it to be my right and not a privilledge that she had accorded to me because she loved me.

Ash, I'm sorry to have pulled you thru hell and back. After reading your blog recently, I finally realised that you're human too and that you need support too. I've let you down by failing to be the person you can depend on while always expecting you to be the one I can depend on. I've forgotten how important it is to give in a relationship. I can only hope its not too late to make things balanced. I want to be the person you can lean on, the person you can trust, the person you can share with. I want to be your pillar, as much as you have been mine.

I hope you'll be able to open that door and let me thru it again. We should have an equal partnership, if we want to walk hand-in-hand on this long road of life. I know that I want to walk it with you. I can only hope you feel that way too...

I love you... More than I can ever express... Please continue to love me too...

- Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld