Dyke Drama

I was 40 mins into the final episode of Heroes Season 1 at 12:30 pm last night when I heard someone knocking on my window. At first I thought it was my neighbour, but after taking a look at the time, I figured that it couldn't be the case. Decided to get Ben to open the door with me, in case it was someone strange. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and saw Edna standing there sheepishly.

LOL!

Turns out Gerald had been worried after not seeing me online for the entire day and not being able to get through my phone. She managed to convince Edna to come over to my place with her to check on me. Given that I was meant to go to Mambo last night, I suppose its a bit surprising to find me uncontactable. However, I think I did mention that I was going to be watching Heroes and that I wasn't feeling that great yesterday. The best part was, Edna had come upstairs, seen my light on and went back downstairs to tell Gerald that I was fine. Gerald then insisted she go knock on my door, just to reconfirm that I was indeed ok. What puzzles me is, why didn't she just come up herself instead of sending Edna both times? Ah well... Women... Can never understand how they think...

After going to the kopitiam for a quick drink and showing Edna my new hammies, they both left, feeling rather silly about the entire episode. I resumed watching the last 5 mins of Heroes Season 1 final episode, before progressing to watch Season 2 until 6 am this morning.

I suppose its rather sweet of them to come all the way down to my place at midnight, just to check if I'm ok. However, its also rather silly considering that I had just spoken to Gerald on MSN in the afternoon plus I did say I felt like just staying at home instead of going to Mambo. I've once again reached a point where I'm feeling rather introspective and needed some alone time. Hiding at home by myself to recharge sounds perfectly good to me right now. Especially after my session today.

The tears that came were angry tears. Anger directed at myself for failing. Anger at the world, for letting such things happen. Anger at the unfairness of it all. Anger, anger and more anger.

Such are the days where I realise I don't like myself. I wish I were so much more, but I feel like I am so much less. I wish I were strong, when in fact, I am so weak. I wish I could trust, but I'm actually so afraid.

When will I be well again?