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I called him once I got up today, wanting to know the lastest news... and things don't sound so good. The car problem has been fixed... and the student visa seems ok... Looks to me like he doesn't have  a problem with staying there...

Although he has mentioned that his greatest problem would be the financial side, I know his mother would find a way to help him study. And knowing myself, I would help to finance part of it too.

He is slipping away from me... and all I can do is turn around and weep I feel so lost... and defeated. Am I selfish to wish that something bad would happen such that he has to return? Or am I just being human?

I am no longer sure of my nature. I think I am insanely evil at times and these times are one of them...