Chinese Traditions vs Religious Beliefs

On Saturday, while I was sitting on the steps of Guang Ming Shan, idly smoking, watching the joss sticks and candles burn in front of me, I had a sudden realisation that I was doing all this for the sake of Chinese Traditions.

So what do Chinese Traditions mean to me?

Red packets during Chinese New Year?
Tang Yuan during "Yuan Xiao Jie"?
Dumplings during "Duan Wu Jie"?

Everything about my religious beliefs point to there being no such thing as Chinese Gods. No such things as burning joss sticks and candles. No such things as hell money. Yet I went ahead and followed as tradition dictated. Bought a bag full of papers, hell money, paper shirts, shoes and even ciggarettes.

Where is the line between culture, tradition and religion? I honestly don't know. I have realised that certain things are so ingrained in my being that I no longer question why I do. I just do it.

Why?

Because that is what our elders believe in. So its like buying insurance. If what they believe in turns out to be true, I don't want to be the one labeled an unfillial child who never burnt anything for her father. At least I've done my duty as a daughter, buying the right things, burning the right stuff.

Yes, a peace of mind.

So what if I have my own religious beliefs? They never forced their beliefs on me, so I shouldn't be forcing mine on them. Should I? Even if it doesn't buy me anything other than peace of mind, I'll gladly pay the price and spend the time.

Which makes me wonder. How much of this is part of the Chinese culture and how much of it is in the religion? Sometimes I find it hard to distinguish the two. How do I know which is due to the other? Truth to be told, I'm too lazy to find out. I'll just do whatever I am comfortable with and leave the rest to everyone else. It will be my brother's duty, when he is back, to conduct whatever other rites that are required. For my part, I just remember the important dates and observe what needs to be observed.

Does this make me an unbeliever? Or does that just make me who I am?

Live by my own rules. And no one else's, although I have to say, some traditions can be comforting. I'm looking forward to Chinese New Year. If nothing else, just for the sense of familiarity. Some things you can only gain with family.

Proud to be Catholic.
Proud to be Chinese.
Proud to be ME