LIV - 2.2 Connection

In between the years in primary school, I became aware of certain things as I grew older.

Someone kept sending boxes of M&Ms and Gummy Bears for me. It was unexplainable, but I knew this person was important. My grandma kept asking me, "Do you know who sent you all this candy?" and I wouldn't have a clue.

I travelled to Hong Kong every June to spend my holidays there with my Aunt Lina. An eight year old who got first class service on the plane cos the stewardesses put me there so they could keep an eye on me. I always had a blast when I was in Hong Kong, cos my Aunt Lina was the coolest aunt ever. She would bring me shopping and buy me pretty clothes. All the barbie dolls I wanted and eventually, lots of books as well. It was here that I learnt how to ice-skate because the ice-skating ring (the same one in many Hong Kong movies that people fight in) was just a short walk away from her condo.

One year, my dad met me there and I had the best vacation ever.

The feeling of finally meeting my dad for the first time was overwhelming. It was like an instant connection had been reestablished, even though before we met, I hadn't realised he existed. I cried buckets when I had to leave and spent days thinking about him. When I got back to Singapore, I couldn't look at my family the same way again.

This of course blew up in my face when I started writing letters to my dad. My mom found the letters and was really angry with my Aunt for allowing me to discover my real father. She called him and forbid him to make contact with me again.

I didn't see him again until 3 years later. He came and stood outside of school and waited. When I saw him, I froze and then ran onto the school bus. I did not dare to go to him because I was afraid of what mom would say.

Until today, I regret the rejection he must have felt when he saw his own daughter was afraid of him.