New You, New Me

Bintan was an eye opening experience. Having seen how slow people can move in Manila, I was pleasently surprised that at least in Indonesia, its not that slow. But, compared to Singapore's standards... OMG how slow!

I won't say I enjoyed myself, but at least it is over now. What has happened, has happened and what issues came up, will be resolved over time. We can't change anything now, we can only hope to do better in the future. Time to focus on the other events which are coming up and they all require alot of planning and attention. I've been unable to attend to the small details like I used to because I find myself being overwhelmed by the amount of itty bitty nonsense that require attention. However, I am reminded by Elvin's advice, given over the years, about how its the details that count. I failed in this event to observe the details, because the big picture was already tiring me out. But, I will do better and I will prove that I can manage it once again.

I ate soooo much in Bintan. The resort atmosphere seems to whet my appetide. Buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for the past 3 days. I ate til I couldn't eat anymore and the spread was fairly good. I had really great authentic Indonesia food yesterday as they were having the Hari Raya Buffet Lunch. YUM YUM! If anything, I think that was something I really miss in Singapore. Its so hard to find real Indonesia food here.

Received an email today from the OC Women's group. Few weeks ago, I signed up for one of their support groups that is beginning this month. For those who don't know what a support group is, you can get more information here.

The title of this session is Understanding The Me Within. I am looking forward to attending this group as it will give me a chance to meet more people, discover more about myself and hopefully help me understand why I do some of the things I do. I think it will be a good experience and enable me to move ahead and stop dwelling on the past. The past is over, and the future is unknown, so right now, I need to live and fully enjoy the present. You never know because what you are living now may be all you have.

Essentially, this offsite trip has given me some strength to be brave and strong. It has taught me certain things and opened my eyes to others. I cannot live forever in hope for someone else to make the move. If I depend on that, I could just as well wait forever. Make the change now and if something good happens, then great! If not, I can always make good things happen on my own. Depending on others is setting yourself up for failure. We are all born into this life alone  and we will all die alone. The only person who will go all the way to make you happy is really only yourself. Other people don't owe it to you to make you happy. Your happiness is not their problem.

Occasionally, in life, you meet someone who manages to make you deliriously happy. You open your heart to this person and join your lives together. Some people manage to make this relationship work for their entire lives. Others fail miserably after a few days. I am one of the fortunate who have had the chance of having a few of these people touch my lives. The relationships I have had have always managed to enhance my life and taught me many lessons. Even this recent one has taught me that you cannot force someone to love you. No matter how much you love a person, they have no obligations to love you back whatsoever. I have always been a person who chooses to love, rather than be loved. My choice remains the same. I would rather devote my entire being to someone else, rather then allow someone to be devoted to me, when I only have lukewarm feelings for that person. I guess this applies for everyone. We always want what we can't get and take for granted what we already have.

Irregardless, its time to live. The past is over! The future awaits!

Parting shot from Bintan, from my hotel room balcony. The sun, the sand, the sea which I didn't manage to enjoy because I was working the entire time!