Who Am I?

I've lost myself over the past few months, ever since my world came crashing down. I have failed to rise to many occasions and have generally given myself a chance to wallow into depression simply because I could.

People often say that you never cherish what you have until you lose it. That is very true.

I never cherished who I was before. I simply took it for granted that I was who I was and I am who I am. I've changed, but I don't see the changes. Why? I'm not even sure myself.

My emotional instability has clouded my normally rational mind  and driven me to do things that I wouldn't normally do. Worst part about it is that I rationalise everything that I've done and give myself excuses on why I did it. It surely doesn't make much sense, but I always manage to make it seem like it makes sense to me.

My sense of responsibility has failed me. Things just don't matter anymore. My focus has been on my relationship and everything else has just been sidelined during this period. For the past 6 months, I keep thinking that when I manage to fix my relationship, I'll manage to fix my life because I'll be happy. Guess its taken me this long to realise that I've been going about it the wrong way after all. Perhaps being just friends will be the solution in the end.

Happiness doesn't have to come from just relationships. Happiness can come from many other sources. My main one right now would be trying to fix my work. I've let alot of things in my work that i've been allowing to slack because I haven't had motivation. Ash's challange to me has given me a fresh perspective on it.

I've disappointed alot of people recently, including myself. I think now, I really want to make an effort to step up and do the necessary to make amends. I want to find myself again, the person who is ready to take on the world. It will be a struggle, no doubt, but if I don't try, I am not being true to who I am.

It's time to find the Liv within.