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Someone remarked that I always seem to blog when I'm extremely depressed or unhappy. Either that or when I am over the moon about something. I guess that can be considered true. I've been on Xanga for almost 3 years now, and looking back at my posts, alot of them have been about me agonising over several things that were going on in my life. Yet months can go by without any posts because nothing big has been happening.

I feel my blog is one of those which is slow and boring. It's never about current affairs, it's never about anything remotely funny or interesting. Yet as I was trying to explain to Denny, I don't care if anyone reads my blogs. I'm not here to gain attention. I write because it frees up a part of myself. If I am depressed and feel awfully alone, I tend to start writing because it makes me feel better. It gets me upbeat and happy. No matter how depressed I am, a single blog can blow that away because it allows me to vent.

Of course some of my friends use my blog as a way to keep tabs on me. Without me updating my blog, alot of pple wouldn't even know if I had a major car accident and ended up in the hospital! However, I still feel that my blog is about me. Unlike others who write for the entertainment of the masses, I write for myself. So what if I'm a lovesick tween who is mooning for her boyfriend because she is a couple of thousand miles away? That's me. Why hide?

I think in life it is super idiotic to try and be someone you are not. I love genuine people. I love people who are happy and comfortable being themselves. I seriously admire people who can weigh like 100 kg yet are comfy enough with their body to wear what they want, eat what they eat and do what they wanna do. Although I am constantly on a crusade to lose weight(that and I'm super unhealthy, I would probably faint if I had to run for more then 100 meters), yet I would love it if one day, I could seriously just sit down and be happy with my body. I don't have a self image problem, but I do have a problem with my body. It has to do with the flabby white tires around my waist. Ray also has an annoying habit of pinching my fats and making them look entirely gross. Just wait. Once I get settled down, I'm joining a gym and losing the fats!

As usual, my ranting has brought my thoughts all over the place and I can't even remember what I wanted to say. GRRR! AH wells, tomorrow will be a better day!