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First of all, today, I have to send a thank you out for some lovely angels who have thought to subscribe to my site They are Mendaciloquent, yogi, TheEmptyOne, TedsPlace, MyxlDove, s_q_u_e_e and Starbright . I hope you guys all have fun reading my site, and if ever I drive you guys crazy with my ramblings, LET ME KNOW I'll be sure to issue a double dose then

It is raining cats and dogs today, so instead of going to this job interview I was supposed to go to today, I just huddled at home and slept my day away. Pathetic issn't it? Somedays, especially having a tough day like I had yesterday, I just like to sit at home, and bum. I just like to ignore all elements of my life, and just imagine I can hide away forever.

I feel bad. Why? I was in a really bad mood yesterday and when Mark picked me up from work, I just wasn't in the mood to talk. I just sat in the car, silently and guess what, he offered me to use his phone again, even though I had returned it the day before, and I said, "it's okie, I'm fine" but he just kept wanting me to keep it. In the end I just walked out of the car and closed the door behind me. I know it probably hurt him and I should have just accepted his offer, but I just felt that I was overwhelmed with emotions and didn't want to feel bad or guilty anymore. Does that even make sense to anyone? I know he is trying to be nice, and trying to show he cares and everything, but sometimes, I just need to be independant.

On the other hand, things with HIM have been going pretty well and I am feeling happier since I know he is coming back soon. I like it when we talk alot, because it clears up doubts and makes me feel that we are much closer. All the guys out there, if you ever want to develop a relationship with someone, make sure you talk alot, because it's only thru talking that you discover what each other want, and it's only when you know what each other want when you can actually work towards a happier self.

My quote for today :-

Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Why this quote? Because, all my life, I have lived on little bits of hope... and when hope gets dashed, it can be the most devastating thing that can happen to anyone at anytime. Right now, I am living on hope.

Hope that things will work out.
Hope that I will have strength to take whatever comes.
Hope that there will be happiness at the end of this road.
Hope that I will be able to stand up, and live my life independantly.
Hope that I will never have to face a difficult patch in my life anymore.

But of course, all this are just hopes... and well, sometimes it's best not to bank everything on hope, cos according to Murphy's law, "anything that can go wrong, WILL GO WRONG " And perhaps, this is really tormenting me each day, and one day I will collapse under the torments.

Anyhow, I have a lot of thoughts bumbling about today, so I probably be back later when I am sure what else I have to say, but before then, enjoy...