· 2:32 pm
Untitled entry
Original Xanga entry ↗For some strange reason, every once in a while, I have this bout of
depression that comes about because life is catching up with me...
and even though I am hell tired and know I need to rest to get up in
time for the 8 am class later today, I can't... because of the
137107310831 things keeping me awake...
So, why are thoughts so troublesome? Why do humans think? By thinking
we create such problems for ourselves, by feeling, we create even
more. Would life be better if we were all born giraffes who had no
cares in the world but to find a tree that is the right height so we
could munch on the leaves without getting a neckache?
I'm normally an optimistic person, but once in a while, things just
strike me as depressive and unfair. Where is the justice? Why do we
need money? Why must we study? Why do we work? Why is life such a
vicious cycle? Would it be better if we all just jumped off a
building and killed ourselves tomorrow?
I'm 22 and life hasn't gotten any better... at times I think it's
gotten much worst... yet I still try to struggle on... Perhaps one
day I might just say fuck it and go stand in front of a fast moving
train. But before that, I guess I still want to try to make myself
happy... ironically stuck in this vicious cycle...
Is it enough just to love? Yet when you love, you expect to be
loved... Is it enough just to give? Yet when you give, you expect to
be given... When do we do something unconditionally? And if we do,
does that mean we have reached the point where we no longer love
ourself? And if that's the case, wouldn't we be better off dead?
Friend or Foe? Love or Hate? Give or Take?
Will I ever grow to understand life? Or will I live through it not
seeing? Not knowing? Not truly living?
- Just Living...
Historical comments (3)
Preserved from Xanga. Comments are read-only.
chimera429 · 9/24/2002 11:20 PM
jus to warn u this is gnna be long i luv thinking bout stuff like this... so um lo siento [sry] beforehand =[ ::
okai first of all i kno jus how u feel ive been getting weird mood swings and its not pms or some other shyt guys think for no apparent reason id jus feel like i need to cry or im not luved enough or w/e luckily i get over them pretty fast.. usually...but ugh they suck
secondly: where would the fun be in not feeling, not thinking, not knowing? ignorance is bliss; true but i kno i am not willing to give up all the wonderful feelings and things in my life for some hard times of confusion.
third: tru it pisses me off that lifes not fair for neone. i jus read this poem of september 11 at http://www.artistsnetwork.org/news/news42.html and it totally strengthed my views on racism
and lastly, maybe when we do somthing unconditionally its that we love ourselves enough that we hav enough left over to spill over onto somone else and still keep that bit for ourselves. when u expect something in return isnt that like u need that kind of display of gratification? or love? maybe its when u reach of point of tru contentment with ureself. when u dont need a superficial show of love. u hav that respect for ureself that u kno that someone luvs u just as much as u are loving.
[ the end of mah small novel i jus wrote lOLz... propz ]
chimera429 · 9/24/2002 11:22 PM
editing:: end of second paragraph: i sympathize, end of third paragraph: would u?
Faldor · 12/15/2002 8:47 AM
"I might just say fuck it and go stand in front of a fast moving train."
No, please. Call me. Count to 10. I'll be there, then.