I had a rather big fight with Irene earlier this week. It involved some yelling, some silent treatment and a lot of reflection on my part.
We’ve been together for 89 months and been married for 7 months. This is the longest relationship I have been in and what I am really proud of is there have been no “breaks” in between. In my past relationships, there were fights that caused temporary breakups and even temptations that arose to lure my thoughts and feelings away from my then partner. However, with Irene, from the day we got together, she has been the only person I feel for.
They say your current partner gets the worst deal because they have to put up with all the baggage from your history. I look at it differently. I think my relationship with Irene is stronger because my past relationships taught me what I want and don’t want. They were the trials. This is the real deal. The trials made it easier for me to see what are the deal breakers and what are things that I can just close one eye to. So now I’m finally doing it right.
In the beginning, we used to have epic fights. When it became clear that Irene wasn’t going anywhere or rather, I wasn’t going to get rid of her so easily, I began to evaluate and envision what life would be like with her in the long term. As our relationship grew, I realised that the key difference between her and my past partners is her willingness to be supportive of me in everything that I do. She acknowledges and respects what I want in life. She is open to try new things together with me, both in and out of bed. She is willing to grow together with me and look into building a future for both of us and our family.
Although she still has certain habits that annoy me, she has made a conscious effort to improve on the deal breakers. For the other stuff, I have learnt to close both eyes to them. While it is true that over the years, I have mellowed, I think the real lesson I have learnt is to fight instead of flight. While I would have easily chosen to say “break up” or start looking for someone new to entertain me in the past, I am now committed to make this work. So I’m willing to fight if there is something I care strongly about. For everything else, I just decide I love her more than what the fight is worth.
Luckily, there are many things I can let go of now that I wouldn’t have been able to in the past. They say a brush with death can do that to you. I think it is simply a combination of all the things that have happened in my life. It’s made me acutely aware that life is too short to be spent in misery. Better to live life fully and authentically, with no regrets.
Thanks for being with me. 2718 days and counting. I love you.
P/S: For those wondering what the fight is about, it has to do with the fact that we both need personal space. It’s also beginning to annoy Irene when she gets know as one half of that lesbian blogger couple. Just to be clear, I, Olivia Chiong, write all the blog posts. Irene gives her suggestions and proof reads some of them, but all thoughts and words are mine. While we are married, we are not the same person. Please do not go up to her and tell her you know her because you read my blog. It’s starting to become a bit creepy 😛